published: Friday, February 05, 2010

My teacher is acting inappropriately towards me

Dear Tori,

I am a senior in high school. One of my male teachers acts different around me than the others do. He asks me to stay after class to talk to me about an assignment, but instead of sitting me on the other side of the desk he puts the chair next to him. Then he faces me, leans back in the chair, and opens his legs really wide. He does a lot of winking and smiling at me even during class. I wouldn't have noticed it until one of my class mates asked me what he was like in bed. Then I got it, he is trying to pick me up!! How can I be absolutely sure? I don't want to make the rest of the year unbearable if I was wrong about him. Then when I am sure who do I go to first?

My teacher wants me

Dear My teacher wants me,

Since our society is very retroactive and won't do anything about your teacher until he has crossed the line more physically, I suggest you trust your instincts that he is hitting on you. You should tell your parents everything that has happened so far and keep them posted. From now on, do not stay after class with him unless you can have a friend stay with you.

Have excuses already made up about why you cannot stay, doctor's appointment, a meeting, sickness, etc. Right now, he is capitalizing on the fact that you are unaware. If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, say so. When he winks at you in class, you could either ignore him or say loudly, "What's wrong with your eye, you keep winking???!!!" The comment will do a few things: call attention to his inappropriate behavior, which will not allow him to be so slick anymore, you might get a referral for talking out so he can cover his embarrassment, for being caught, with anger for your "disruptive behavior." However, he will see you are not going to be a quiet target (which is what perpetrators look for). I think it would be worth getting written up in order to head off a much greater problem. I would be interested in hearing how it goes after you speak up.