published: Friday, September 05, 2008

Talking with Tori

By Tori Kelley, Ph. D.

Dear Tori,

I have a hard time eating, even when I am hungry. Last night my stomach was practically eating itself, you could hear my stomach growling from across the room. So I got up and fixed myself something to eat and when I sat down I just couldn't bring myself to eat it.

My stomach was dying for it, but my head and the rest of me just wasn't in the mood to eat. I didn't want to spend time chewing and swallowing -- it was so weird. Then after I forced myself to eat it I felt nauseous, like I wanted to throw up!

I will get up to get myself some food, then get side tracked with something and go sit down. Then three hours later I realize, "Wasn't I suppose to be getting something to eat?" I still won't get up to get anything because my brain says "I'm not in the mood to eat."

I will only eat one meal a day if I'm lucky. I'm not forcing myself to eat or to throw up. In fact I'm forcing myself to eat and to keep it down. What is wrong with my brain and how can I fix it?

Signed,

Starving for Nothing

Dear Starving for Nothing,

Taking care of one's own personal nutrition is the most elementary way one takes care of oneself. The fact that you are denying yourself nourishment says you are struggling with the very concept of self-care.

Our body and mind are so intertwined that the concept of 'bodymind' is continuing to be addressed. Your problem indicates a very strong message that your bodymind is not feeling worthy of caring for itself.

I wonder how you talk to yourself throughout the day. Do you make negative, insulting remarks about yourself and your actions in your head, or do you take care to dwell on the precious creature you are who deserves to be fed, nourished, and loved, following up with encouraging comments to yourself?

Based on your state of self-care, I am sure it is the former. I highly recommend you have a doctor check you for any medical reason you may have lost your will to eat. It certainly sounds like your body gives you hungry signals, but your mind focuses elsewhere and denies your actual eating.

This is when people have problems, when their body and mind disagree. You feel hungry, but you don't eat. I am sure that there are reasons why you are in this place right now, if only for the simple reason that your bodymind is trying to get your attention. As if to say, "Hey! Look at me! You're not taking good care of me! I want to feel loved! Feed me lovingly like you would a toddler."

When people are happy they eat, play, work, and make love, but when something is wrong, we can have a tendency to shut down, the basic systems suffering in the process: eating, sleeping, motivation, libido, and digestion.

I recommend professional counseling to help you identify ways to put yourself into a balanced place where you feel happy and lovable. Remember, we first must learn to love ourselves before we can truly love another.

To submit an anonymous question, go to

<http://www.centralfloridamentalhealth.com/>

www.CentralFloridaMentalHealth.com and click the "Talking with Tori" icon. Tori Kelley, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Clermont. The contents of this column are for informational purposes only and are not meant to be used as a substitute for professional therapy. Tori Kelley, Ph.D., LMHC, Owner, Central Florida Mental Health, Inc., 221 North Highway 27, Suite B, Clermont, tel. 536-2364, fax. 536-2370